What does it take to be in a loving, long-term romantic relationship? Better yet, if you are in a relationship for many years, what do you think will hold the two of you together in a way that is loving and healthy? Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and in the name of love, we thought we’d ask a few of our past newlyweds their secret to what makes their relationship last. Hey! They made it to marriage right?
Here are their answers:
“I would like to answer this question by first recalling the day I proposed to Bel. I took her to the Huntington Library to ask her the big question. Before being allowed entry, we were stopped by an attendant who checked our bags for prohibited items. After this brief delay, we made our way to the Japanese garden. I then asked the question, and she said, "Yes!" Upon leaving, we saw the same attendant who checked our bags. I told him that she said yes. He pulled me aside and disclosed that he'd been married for 40 years. "The secret is to live by these words, 'happy wife, happy life' " he told me. At face value the credo sounds silly, but the more I thought about it, the more I embraced it. To me it means to think about your significant other when making decisions, and to keep them in mind when you do things.
Being good teammates with each other keeps our relationship strong. We contribute our individual time, energy, and effort into creating a healthy us. Employing active listening to not only hear but also to understand is important. We are respectful of each other's ambitions, feelings, and fears. There is a strong level of trust between us. Most importantly we love to goof off, be silly, and have fun with each other.“ - Alan married for 9 months to Bel
“Trust and communication. I think the key to a lasting relationship is starting it off right and having a strong foundation and understanding for one another etc. Alan and I spent the first few dates engaging in long talks about our values and what we want out of the relationship etc. It was important for us that we were being ourselves and disclose how we really felt and what we really wanted out of our relationship and our own personal lives. We were being honest and were not trying to say things just to impress each other. Then, the rest was easy. Based on that foundation, we continue to have open communication and to trust each other. It was also important to be open-minded. For example, Alan is big sports fan and I wasn't into that at all. But then part of our relationship is about being open to try out new things so he introduced me to his world. Now I am a big sport fans too and I watch games with him etc. Alan also opened up to my world. Prior to dating me, he never venture out to Koreatown, Thai Town, now he is a fan of Asian food :) I also take him to temples and new places to visit. It is also important to be respectful to one another i.e. we do not say mean/rude things to each other even if we are angry at each other etc. - Bel married to Alan for 9 months “I think there are so many things that have kept our relationship so strong. We make each other laugh everyday, no matter how stressed or busy we are, we always make some time to just chat, make each other laugh and have fun together. We also share the same goals for the future, and work hard to reach these goals. We also give each other space to do our own thing, we don't sweat the small things. I also carry my partner with me in my heart at all times, so I always consider him and how a decision or action would affect both of us. I think one of the greatest keys to a happy relationship (and a happy life) is to constantly be grateful. I am thankful everyday for my amazing husband, for our life together and for everything we have, and I make sure to share these feelings with Sam very often.” - Morgan married for 6 months to Sam
“I would say communication and knowing how to communicate w/ each other is key to lasting relationship (assuming you have the compatibility part down, and not discounting other important aspects to making any relationship successful). We may not call each other every night to talk about our days and say goodnight, but we definitely communicate with each other everyday in some way, shape or form. For example, texting him a quick sleeping face emoji as i'm getting my morning coffee, sending me a picture of something he came across during the day that reminded him of us, or forwarding him an email of a weekend activity idea I happen to stumble upon may be all that we communicate for one day. We understand that some couples will argue that's just not enough, especially when we don't spend every night together, but this works for us. Not one of us feels like we're communicating too little or too much, and I love that about him and about us.” - Cindy, married for 8 months to Michael
“The key to a lasting relationship for me would be the trust and understanding we have of one another. There is going to be a lot of compromise when two people first get married, move-in, and get used to each other’s habits. With all of the adjustments, we will have to constantly trust in each other’s decisions and truly understand why they do things that make absolutely no sense to us. For instance, I had to trust that buying all new furniture, bedding, pillows, throw pillows, decorative pillows, pillows for your pillows, and anything else you could possibly imagine for our apartment was absolutely necessary and not just frivolous spending. Now, after living in our place for about half a year, I understand the method behind her decorating madness when I come back to a comfortable and nicely appointed apartment that I can call home. It’ll be moments like these that will bring us closer together and continue to grow as a couple.
"But let’s be honest, the one thing that truly makes a relationship last and keeps it strong is going to be the romance. Whether it’s a night out in the city or attempting to follow that recipe you found online, romance and attraction was the reason we got together in the first place. Romance doesn’t have to mean extravagant dates, but as long as you make plans to spend time together, it lets the other person know that they’re still on your mind.” - Michael, married to Cindy for 8 months
